Egyptian Vacuuming Contest
by Luiniliel
Summary: Based off the one previously removed from the site. Title should be self-explanatory. Rated for hot bot sex! joking Comedy!


**Egyptian Vacuuming Contest**

Summary: (Based off the previously removed one I wrote with my best-friend, waay back freshman/sophomore year of high school, about 4 to 5 years ago.) Ryou is a clean freak, Yugi is a clean freak, it might be considered a hikari-based issue if Malik had the same problem, but he really didn't. Malik didn't give two flying monkey butts whether or not the blood stains set into his t-shirts, much less his carpet. The yami's don't know how to approach the situation when the two hikari's pair up and decide to change the world.

Massive Hikari x yami's pairing. BoyxBoy.

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**It all starts in a store**

* * *

Bakura was walking down the street. Plain, simple walking. One foot in front of the other, painfully, slowly, with finesse.

Ryou really slowed him down.

"But 'Kura, I NEEEED to get another vacuum. The one I have at home is dying."

Bakura sighed, the last thing he needed was a crying hikari on his hands, one that made big crocodile tears and made everyone question whether he was being abused by the one that so carelessly held onto his wrist. Bakura, not entirely familiar with the new technology the 20th century had to offer stopped. What he knew of a vacuum was that it was loud and needed to be pushed all over the floor by a handle. It seemed incredibly inconvenient when a broom could serve the same purpose.

"Where is the store for the 'vahkuume'?" Bakura inwardly flinched at the pronunciation. He was certain it had the correct sounds, but still, it seemed incredibly off from the way Ryou pronounced it earlier. Ryou laughed, the pain medication he had been on lately for his migraines tended to make him slightly loopy from time to time.

"V-a-cu-um," Ryou said, speaking more slowly with emphasis on the syllables, "We're right in front of it." Bakura stopped and looked into the store on his left. It seemed like every other place he passed so far on the street, with the exception that he saw 'vakoomes' similar to the one Ryou owned at home, plus some other odd looking ones with long snaking attachments. Bakura dropped Ryou's wrist.

"Don't take too long." Bakura crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the storefront, he would rather not go inside seeing as today was the candy-store day and every second wasted was a spiked-drop in blood sugar levels. Ryou grinned at him, the migraine medication still muddling with his mind.

"I know you want your candy, but I want my vacuum more. Ta-Ta!" Ryou bounded into the store leaving a shocked, and then angered Bakura outside.

"Stupid, fucking Ryou." Bakura fumed before taking notice of what else the store had displayed in its front. The windows had a woman in a very flared skirt with an apron around her waist, dressed in tall shoes with thin heels and a string of pearls around her neck. She had a speech bubble with the words, "A clean home is a happy home." Her red stained lips strained into a very charming smile, but to Bakura it all all looked ridiculous. That is, until he saw the small globular candy dispenser in front of the second doorway. A quick dig in his pockets later and he came up with a small coin that matched the slot in the machine.

"Come on 'buggle-yum'." Bakura confused the name for the candy with the name of his favorite brand of gum. What Bakura failed to realize what that there were small plastic globes also floating round inside and the sign that read "Contest: Can you claim the lucky balls? Four people and friends will get a round-trip paid flight to Egypt and a chance to change the world. (details inside)"

Needless to say Bakura was more than pissed to receive one of the balls instead of his prized bubble gum. A quick search of his person revealed no more forgotten change and a few pieces of lint. He looked left and right before entering the store and after deliberately throwing lint on the ground he found Ryou drooling over a vacuum as he talked quietly with the sales clerk.

Bakura bopped Ryou on the head before he stuck a hand in his hikari's pocket and started digging for change. He came up with a few more coins before he stopped his search and dropped the cold plastic ball down the back of Ryou's shirt. Ryou did a strange little dance as he hopped around to get it out, but Bakura did not spare him a second glance as he was already out the door and getting his gum.

Bakura, pleased with the results (two blue gum-balls + one red purple tongue) sat on a bench in front of the store and casually watched the people on the street, picking out which ones in his mind would be easiest to pickpocket. Pharaoh and his little brat were walking across the street, hand in hand looking like lovesick morons when Bakura pulled a small rock from his pocket and flung it hard, hitting the taller tri-colored freak square in the temple. Bakura smirked as Yami completely forgot about traffic laws and was about to cross the street directly in front of a car before Yugi completely used the small weight he had to keep Yami from killing himself. Traffic was too loud to hear what Yugi was shrieking on the other side of the street but it was apparent that now the stupid pharaoh had to use the cross walk, a long distance considering that the store Bakura was in front of sat directly in the middle of a long city block.

Bakura leaned back, both arms over the back of the bench as he enjoyed the mildly warm spring sun on his face. What a shadow appeared in front of him he opened his eyes to see a fuming Yami attempting to look intimidating by standing over him. Bakura casually kicked pharaoh in the stomach before standing up and using his height to slightly tower over him. The height advantage wasn't much, but Bakura definitely knew that his eye level was level with the tallest point in Yami's hair. Yami threw the little pebble that hit him in the head at Bakura's forehead and after it bounced off Bakura caught it with his hand and returned it to his pocket.

Smiling rather maliciously, he said, "Thank you stupid pharaoh, it is my greatest good luck charm after all." Yami scrunched his face up in a fume, thinking whether or not what Bakura said was true.

"Ra damned it." Yami stomped off to go meet with his hikari who had happily bounded into the store upon realizing what and who it contained. Bakura smirked, he wasn't done with the pharaonic moron yet and he needed more change seeing as his gum lost all its flavor by now.

The sight that greeted Bakura was not one that he expected, all three dorks were now bouncing up and down squealing in joy. If their cause of happiness was a vacuum Bakura swore that he would kill each and every one of them in their sleep.

Ryou suddenly broke off from the circle of jumping dweebs before he himself bunny hopped over to Bakura and wrapped his arms around him in a hug.

"THANK YOU!!THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

Ryou started to hyperventilate from his excitement until Bakura slapped him on the back and jolted his breathing back to normal, though the words coming from his mouth still made no sense.

".. this vacuum, its the greatest vacuum in the world, and now I get to Egypt, you're coming too, along with this vacuum, I am never going to separate myself from it, it's my new best friend, there'sthismajorcontest,butregardlessIgettokeepthe (deep breath) vacuum... I lurv you." Ryou made his kissy-lips and was pulling Bakura by his shirt to him though Bakura had one hand pushing Ryou's face away from him and the other pushing him back by his collar bone.

"Get off me." Bakura was not pleased as both Yugi and Yami laughed at the white-haired teens. The salesclerk came back and deposited a box next to the two struggling teens before going to help the other set of twins who were in the store. If either Bakura or Ryou had payed any attention they would have saw Yugi's eyes start to sparkle when he took a look around and found the latest broom/vacuum on display. As it was their attention was only interrupted when balloons and confetti fell from the ceiling as Yugi was proudly declared their 1,000th customer.

Ryou noticed this, and the sign, and the plaque and picture Yugi was all given. Despite his joy for his friend there was some sadness when he muttered, "Oh fiddley-sticks." Bakura just shook all the glitter out of his hair before glaring at the sparkles lying everywhere.

Almost as if it were on cue Joey and Tristan popped in and screamed party before starting to boogey their way into the store. Bakura rolled his eyes and left the mess, presumably to sit back on the bench outside. Joey and Trista laughed and high-fived before stopping and admiring a display of handvac's.

Joey picked one, Tristan agreed to it and both presented it to the salesclerk who was currently fighting the disk-shaped vacuum bot to keep it from humping its leg. The salesclerk was going to ring it up before both boys also presented a little ball from the outside bubble-gum dispenser with a ticket similar to Ryou's in that they won tickets to the contest and a free dirt-sucking machine.

It appeared that the group of friends would be traveling to Egypt when Yugi suddenly stopped his cheering and started to cry, the realization just hit him that because he was the 1,000th customer didn't mean he got entered into the contest. The salesclerk started panicking before he pulled out a rule book and pointed to the page where Yugi, Joey, Tristan, and Ryou leaned over and after reading the page started jumping up and down again. No one bothered to explain the situation to Yami who still hadn't grasped the written form of his new language yet as he watched mildly amused from the sidelines.

A small bump against Yami's foot and he looked down to see the little disk vacuum bot attempting to clean up all the glitter on the floor. Yami lifted his foot up to let the little bot vacuum under him but it bumped against his other foot and Yami, switching feet, did the same thing again. The bot however did not give up and turned around to bump Yami's foot a third time. This time Yami just ignored it as he glared through the glass display at the thief king who seemed to have fallen asleep on the bench outside. Yami was occupied with thoughts of sending him to the shadow realm when he realized that the bumping was not stopping.

The little vacuum bot started bumping the side of Yami's foot, but now it had progressed it's movement slightly over Yami's boot and its bumping grew more and more frantic. The little bot started beeping just as its bumping grew more and more frantic until a long beep, followed by a little cloud of released dirt on top of Yami's shoe was let out. Yami stared at it. The rest of the group had taken notice a while ago and also stared at it.

The question had to be asked. "Did it just do, what I think it just did?" Joey was the one to voice the question, while the salesclerk just turned an interesting shade of red. As it was the little bot moved drunkenly, if it could be called that, off of Yami's boot and slowly zig-zagged it's way across the floor to what looked like a little nest of newspapers and appeared to, once it stopped, take a nap.

The silence was awkward. Yami tapped the toe of his boot that everyone assumed was just violated, but the dirt didn't want to come off. That seemed to cement, in Joey and Tristan's mind, that Yami's foot was indeed just violated and a massive fit of giggles overcame the two of them. Joey hit Tristan on the back and knocked him accidentally into the little bot.

No one knew how violent that little bot could be. A sudden whirring noise was heard and the bot started to chase Tristan around the floor. Joey just laughed until the bot turned on him. It took the salesclerk and a rolled up newspaper to get the little bot to let go of his shoe, but by then the damage was done and the little bot appeared to have successfully chewed through the canvas in some places.

The salesclerk kept whacking the bot with the newspaper to go back behind its cage, but by then the door opened again to reveal Seto and Mokuba just walking in. Makuba had a little ball in his hand while he was also happily chewing on some gum.

It just appeared that the group of friends were about to go on the same trip.

Ra help us all.

* * *

Authoress' note: (not meant to be read, really)

Luiniliel: Man, I haven't done one of these in a while.

Ryou: It's alright, I know how difficult it can be to juggle school and work and tons of other responsibilities.

Luin: But I still feel sooo guilty. I'm letting my friends down, my fans down (if there are any...), and MYSELF down.

Bakura: If you aren't going to do anything to change your behavior there's no use in whining about it.

Luin: You're so insightful (girly sigh)

Bakura: (gets an odd look on his face and looks like he's about to run off)

Ryou: (tearful) Luiniliel, umm... I have something I need to tell you. I know... we haven't been the closest, but umm... there's this movie this next Saturday, and, if you don't want to go... I'll buy the tickets so you don't have to worry about anything money-wise, and you're probably busy, forget I ask.

Luin: (looks fearful and dodgy) I... I... I... I (hyperventilating) I... (whimper)

Bakura: (smacks Luin on the back of her head) Loon, you're doing it again. Stop.

Luin: ... Domo Arigatou Mr. Roboto.

Ryou: (incredibly tearful) I know, you're busy... umm... I have stuff to do... bye. (runs off)

Luin: ... Ryou... I... I.. I... I...

Bakura: (smacks her)

Luin: I.. I... I ... (Bakura hits her again) wanna go... (sad face)

Bakura: (mumbles) fucking pathetic.

Luin: I can't help it. I don't stutter, but my brain freezes. (sighs) I need some more courage... I'm too painfully shy sometimes... as it is I can't let myself think when talking to a really attractive boy because then my brain...

Bakura is standing very close to Luiniliel, peering at her very intently while her eyes are big and her mouth keeps opening and closing, gaping a bit like a fish. Bakura stops her mouth and holds it with one hand, his thumb running across her lower lip. Luin is shivering gently when Bakura places his other free hand on the small of her back. Everything seems fine until her eye's roll back in her head and she collapses. Bakura catches her.

- End Scene -

IT IS NOT PART OF THE STORY!! PLEASE DO NOT REPORT ME FOR IT!


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